Derbyshire Times columnist 'given strength to share her news' after battling trauma

I’d not seen her for a few months, but despite being at different stages in our lives (she’s retired), we share something in common - our husbands died at a similar time. I haven’t spoken to many people who truly ‘get it’, but I know she does.

She told me some news - she has a new man in her life, and I told her I do too! We have laughed and cried together; sharing this at the same time is indeed strange.

I told her of the many emotions embarking on a new relationship as a widow presents - she got it - I knew she would. We spoke of our husbands, the past, the future and, my goodness, the judgement. People will talk; there’s no avoiding it, but as we said, standing on the allotment path, it is easy to judge when you are sitting at home in the evenings with your partner by your side.

I love her attitude of ‘my life, my rules’. There is no right or wrong here.

Embarking on a new future does not reflect our dedication to our marriages, how we felt about our husbands or the pain of our loss.

Some people have found my news very upsetting and do not want to talk to me; it appears my timeframe is unacceptable. Some are finding it difficult but are supportive nonetheless, and I’m thankful for that. I would have been one of those people judging, but now I realise that you can never feel exactly what someone else feels; you can never have the same experiences - the experiences that give them their mindset, reactions, and the strength to go on.

The summer of 2022 was challenging and lonely; I battled with anxiety, PTSD symptoms, and EMDR therapy that I didn’t get on with, remaining a supportive mother was the only job I did well. My exceptional employer at the time gave me space to gain help, and I feel much better. The loss of the person who got you through every trauma that came before would never be anything but horrific, but his attitude, positivity and endless practicality remain part of me.

I am trying my utmost to appreciate every second of life, I have returned to the allotment with a fresh head of plans, and I have a new partner that would like to help realise them with me and the children.

I again embrace that an allotment is not just a place to grow veg’ - an allotment in spring is a haven of dreams, hope, renewal and change. An allotment site is a community of people where generations are bridged by the love of gardening, all harnessing the power of nature, working alongside each other to feed their families, holding each other up when facing the trials of life and enjoying the banter of a one carrot harvest.

If you’d like to follow our allotment journey, you can find us on Instagram @sarah.diggingtheearth.org.uk, and if you are interested in my new work adventure, you can also follow this on Instagram @evokevisual.co.uk.

Sarah.